Croutons: If you don't want to make croutons, you can get some good ones somewhere else. But I warn you: you're missing out. It takes mere minutes to make fresh croutons, and they're totally worth the effort.

Get a good tasty baguette or similar airy bread. Slice it into 1" rounds, then into cubes. I suggest using a bread knife for everything so you aren't squishing the bread. Place the breadcubes in a bowl and add S&P (½ Tbsp each), garlic powder (1 Tbsp), and rubbed sage ½ Tbsp). If you have a Misto or similar, spray olive oil onto the cubes as you toss. If you don't have a Misto or similar, lightly drizzle the olive oil over the breadcubes and continue adding more if needed when tossing until the spices are sticking to the breadcubes - they should not be oily. Make sure to use a good quality olive oil - no store-brand stuff unless it's Trader Joe's or similar.

pre-tossed, after tossing

Put the cubes on a lined cookie sheet or jellyroll pan and bake in the oven at 350 degrees. Toss every 5 minutes or so until the cubes are browned and hard. Once they're done, let them cool completely, and they can be stored for many days in a sealable plastic bag.

Dressing: Ingredients needed:
1 egg
½C good olive oil
2 Tbsp anchovy paste (or some Worchestershire sauce, though it's better with the paste, trust me)
1 large lemon
5 cloves minced garlic (or more, to taste)
½ Tbsp dijon mustard
S&P

Here's the fun part: crack the egg into a bowl and add the anchovy paste or worcestershire. Whisk together while slowly adding the olive oil. If you're uncomfortable with using a raw egg, you can coddle it, or use some egg-replacement crap. The best way, of course, is just to get over yourself and use the raw egg. I can't promise it won't kill you, but I've never had an issue with them.

What you're trying to do here is emulsify the egg with the oil, which in turn pretty much makes mayonnaise. Usually mayo needs a bit more stirring, so when the dressing starts getting thick, you can lay off and go onto the next step: adding the lemon juice. Before cutting the lemon, squish-roll it between your hands or on the counter. This breaks some of the membranes within the lemon, thus allowing for easier juice extraction. Whisk in the lemon juice and the dijon and add the minced garlic. Once it's all put together, S&P to taste, and set aside to make the salad.

For the salad: Grab a bag of Romaine lettuce (or some romaine heads if you like - you'll just have to chop them up later), a can of artichoke hearts in water, a can of hearts of palm, a wedge of parmesan cheese, and another clove of garlic. Before you do anything, cut that clove of garlic in half and rub it all over the inside of your bowl, then toss the garlic out. Dump the bag of romaine in the bowl. Drain the artichoke hearts, cut them in half, and toss into the bowl. Do the same with the hearts of palm, but only use half of the can. You can eat the rest while you're putting the salad together. grate the parmesan (about a ½ cup) over the salad.

Of course, you don't have to add the artichoke hearts and the hearts of palm. It's just my opinion that these make for a tastier salad. And who am I to tell you how to put your Caesar salad together. As a quick aside, this reminds me of a saying by a great sage:

"If you can't be trusted to make the right decisions, then I'll make the decisions for you!"

Regression: Whisk the dressing again to make sure it's well-mixed and add to the salad. Toss well, then add the croutons and toss again. Eat immediately. If you used a raw egg for the dressing, It is likely that you will want to toss the leftovers out once you're done with the salad. Plus, the croutons get soggy after a while, and that's just gross.

Here's the salad paired with the Champagne-poached salmon I made for the entrée!